i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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