We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
