1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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