hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
