I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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