Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize