i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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