He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
