im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
