Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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