i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
