I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
