Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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