Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone says I win the strip club
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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