You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist