If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.