Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.

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(845): View more from New York

so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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(925): View more from California

Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(214): View more from Texas

I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay

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(310): View more from California

Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist

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