I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
