I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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