I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.