If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.