so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
