So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
