btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
