If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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