whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
