Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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