the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my liver is dry heaving
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
