so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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