Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
