Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
