Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
