so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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