The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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