hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
