im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
