your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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