Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
