just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
