Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
