I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
