Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
