In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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