I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
