This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
