It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
