his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
