reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
