I CAN MOONWALK!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
