i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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