Im at strip club and am horny
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
