his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I love having hate sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
