I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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