1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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