Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
