Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
