I'm going to jail i love you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
