just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
