i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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