going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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