Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize