oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
