dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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