birth control should be required to get into college
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
