So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
