Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
