I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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