I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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