so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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