just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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