There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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