How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
