just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My balls are so social today.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
