I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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