Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
