You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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