mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
