drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
