No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
