Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
