Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
