Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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