just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
